Review by Tom Hawkins
Dr. Wilder, psychologist, ordained minister, and widely published author, has
put together a readable, hard-hitting book that addresses major issues facing
men and impacting those who live with them. Our
culture is in serious trouble, he says, because these issues have not been
understood or addressed. Using biblical insights and data coming out of the
science of neurobiology, he describes the heart of the problem as a
multi-generational lack of healthy attachment to one’s mother and father in
early childhood. A healthy bond with mother is what develops the person’s
capacity for joy while proper attachment to father is necessary to impart an
internal confidence and ability to do hard things and to know how to quiet
oneself in situations in which one’s feelings are crying out, “I’m going to
die!” Without this, boys grow up to be “infants” in adult bodies. Not only do
they fail to function at the level of maturity for which they were created, but
they are also easy prey to the many addictions rampant in our society, which
produce similar neurological responses to the parental nurture they missed
receiving at crucial times in their lives. While some of the information repeats
teachings he has previously written about, it is given here in more depth and
with greater urgency in this book.
My only wish is that in this “Complete Guide” he had at least
acknowledged the further complications that men struggling with dissociative
disorders (perhaps up to 10% of the population) face and provided some helpful
resources for them. In these cases the dynamics of denial, dissociative/amnesic
barriers, internal conflict, and extensive connections to the evil spiritual
realm (particularly when ritual abuse is involved) greatly compound the
difficulties of following the otherwise well-addressed, healing approach he
presents.
Notwithstanding this one drawback, this book is a must read not only for fathers
but for all those who live with them. |
